I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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