he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
