all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We are two peas in an std pod
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
