I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
