We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
