Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
