Non-Jews are for practice
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
