don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
