Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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