Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
