He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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