if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
