maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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