I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
