what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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