she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize