if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
