At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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