we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
