Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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