There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
