Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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