Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I understand Curling. That high.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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