I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
