You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
