Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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