I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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