and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My liver just had a heart attack.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
