plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Panties = found
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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