I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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