Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
