I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
