Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
