how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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