Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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