Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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