I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
