she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
