It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
