Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
