so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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