she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
