Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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