you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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