he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
