I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
