We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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