well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
