and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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