I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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