Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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