I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
