tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
