her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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