in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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