I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
