i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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