He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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