dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
