I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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