Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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