When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize