I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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