Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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