i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
