my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
