I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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