I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
