ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
